Last day of ramadhan got me thinking alot.that discussion with robyn down the escalator about life and its aftermath,last minute house cleaning,deliveries of the festive cookies my mom made,and sleeping that night not wanting to wake up the next day,which is... today.
Unlike others,i don't look forward to raya at all.meeting my "once-in-a-year" relatives,draining my energies to places which is so distant and far to me,i'd rather be at work or school to settle my project,seriously.anyway,thats not the main point.im used to putting on a mask on this particular day for the past 10 years or so already.doesn't bother me.whats another hypocrisy day?
Back to what i wanted to say actually.like i said,thinking,which i was doing yesterday,is good and bad in their own ways.but yesterday,i'd say i most probably found my answer to life.whats the reason of living,whats the reason of my existence and my how to find happiness in life.
Life like what i said before to you Rob, and i'll say it again despite your different opinion,is all about gettin through this life and setting yourself well for the afterlife.this,i'd have to say,honestly i have failed badly in this aspect,judging from my 18 years spent on earth so far.
Next would be happiness.i'll say that i was immature before,when i believed money had to be the key to happiness in life,but my perceptive has changed since that discussion with my mom the other day.so whats next?i think the problem with the both of us is that,we think and hope that the opposite gender can bring happiness to us?i guess thats why we are involved with all this stupid feeling and cant help but have silly crushes on girls huh.dont you think so?i mean i just realised this only yesterday,and its not 100% right though.
Anyway,i think i came to a conclusion already Rob,in life,we constantly have to take a step back and see the whole situation,the position that we're in.i dunno about you,but i sure know for me the verdict was out since ages ago.only i chose not to believe in it.you ask me whats my verdict?lets just say,the reason of my existence for now is to serve God,myself and my family.and when i say family it does include my brothers.but definitely not my "sisters" that i have at the moment.i can't afford and am not fit to get entangled or be committed to them at the moment.
Peace! (:
ps: we can always come back and have a shot when we're ready! (:
